i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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