there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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