He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Damn victory sex feels great
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
