break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize