You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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