well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize