Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
