hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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