I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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