Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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