I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
