But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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