eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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