Kiss
Puke
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
