did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
