and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
