you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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