I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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