It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize