My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
