I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
