yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
