I can tuck mytits in my pants
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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