fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
