Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
