I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize