I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
