its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
