Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
