This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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