i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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