Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My bed smells like the plague
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
