if i can run in heels then i can drive
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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