Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
