I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
