remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
