so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
