why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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