How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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