im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
