I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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