I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
