She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
