i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
