Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
