The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
