the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
