my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
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