I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
