Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
