I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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