I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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