The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
