If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
