I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
