singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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