it hurts more in the daytime
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
