Are we in a gay sports bar?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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