Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
