I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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