I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
