The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
