so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
