i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
