You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
