Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
