are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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