I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
